The maid of honor just puked.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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