The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize