Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
