I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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