do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
