I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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