That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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