Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
