I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
