Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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