i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
