I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
