god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
