I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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