She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
