Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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