Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
