I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
