i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize