im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The best revenge is premature balding
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
