so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
