Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize