The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i now understand why vodka
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
