I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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