Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
