Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
nutella sex= disaster
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
