wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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