my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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