if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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