you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
