You can't special order awesome
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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