Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
