just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
