What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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