I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had sex on a roof
I'm too high and old for this...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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