were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize