sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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