I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
