So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
