i don't like sucking hair
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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