You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
