Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
