I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
