i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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