these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
