Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
