Will you blow on my dice?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
