Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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