I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
