Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
