I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
