Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
