So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
