All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
