I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
