He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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