Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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