so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
