I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
