Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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