I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
