Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
