Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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