oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
