I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
