Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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