Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
