3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
