you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am spending my child support on dildos
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
