i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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