I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
