wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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