Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
two words...techno handjob
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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