Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
