I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
