Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nicole vs. Life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
