Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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