I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
