Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
