P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
