He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
