the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would ride that face into the sunset
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize