too bad you live with your parents still
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
